FROM THE ARCHIVES · LIQUID DEPRESSO INJECTION / W5
God's twisted sense of humor
Filed under Commentary & Rants
There is currently no Internet at home...and this is the first time I've been out of the house, at the library, since. I've had much I want to talk about since...and whoo! I made it to 50 followers! GUYS? YOU REALLY LIKE ME? :'D
First, let's rewind and go back to the fact that my situation at home is...at best...uncomfortable. In September, I'll be going back to school, and my original plan was, of course, to go to Job Corps. As I mentioned before, I've been offered..a lot... from the higher-ups at Gateway and, hell, my very state itself, it seems (state representative?). They really want me to continue going to Gateway. The reason why I didn't want to go, however, was because I'd still be in direct contact with home, and I sure as hell don't want that.
And now there seems to be a godsend of an answer to my problems and prayers. Emphasis on "seems".
Blame me, and my stupidity, or blame my inability to make decisions on my own when I feel I have to do what my parents would want me to do, but I just don't know what to make of this...
So I've been receiving help from a medical...group...eh...of sorts... for young adults that is allowing me to have medication, a therapist, a psychiatrist...and it's real nice. Thing is, because of my, and ehe, my family's, money problems, I get everything for "free". All I really have to do at the moment is be willing to do what I have to do to get better, and I've been doing just that. Because of this, I seem to be (yet another) "perfect" candidate the state would be willing to spend more money on. And what is it my therapist proposed this time...? Having me move out and into my own place or share an apartment with a roommate.
Do I want to get the hell out of dodge?
Do ya even need to friggin' ASK?!
But you think I don't know how much "debt" I'm going to be in after all is good and well in the (hopefully near) future?
I will have to pay off my "bills", but not anytime soon. That'll be when I'm completely stable, mentally and financially, thank goodness. And if I get away from home, not only will the strings to my parents be cut, but I know for sure I'll be able to think more clearly. I can already take care of a place, and if I need assistance, I'm to tell my therapist. They've done this sort of thing for other young adults, so...Thing is, I'm just a little...wary. All of this will help me, greatly...but...all of that money I'll have to pay back...
I spoke to my mother about what "loans" she had to pay when she was younger, and she said she paid off her college loans the moment she had a job. She eventually did, and though she doesn't remember how much it was, does remember that it was, to be expected, up there in the thousands. So maybe my situation isn't that much different from typical "college loans", except that I'll just have to pay a different type of loan.
...Right??
Tell me I've got nothing to worry about, please. Oh, no, give it to me straight! Should I go with it, get my peace of fuckin' mind, for crying out loud, and worry about everything else when there's nothing personal to worry about?? This will help me greatly...so greatly...I can and have only imagined having my own space, controlling my own time and what want to do...I wouldn't have to cover, can start wearing the clothes I want to wear...can even (and was recommended) to spend an entire year just getting to know myself! It's...it's...it's a dream I can't imagine coming true...
I want to take this offer, oh, God knows I want to...but it's what I'll owe that bothers me...
...I guess I just want a few more...y'know...experienced thoughts about it...? Especially since you guys know exactly what I'm going through, at least personally, like why I need to leave home...There's no way in hell I'd be able to be me if I stay at home...And being away from home means I could go to Gateway after all, thus not feel guilty about not taking up these generous offers...
First, let's rewind and go back to the fact that my situation at home is...at best...uncomfortable. In September, I'll be going back to school, and my original plan was, of course, to go to Job Corps. As I mentioned before, I've been offered..a lot... from the higher-ups at Gateway and, hell, my very state itself, it seems (state representative?). They really want me to continue going to Gateway. The reason why I didn't want to go, however, was because I'd still be in direct contact with home, and I sure as hell don't want that.
And now there seems to be a godsend of an answer to my problems and prayers. Emphasis on "seems".
Blame me, and my stupidity, or blame my inability to make decisions on my own when I feel I have to do what my parents would want me to do, but I just don't know what to make of this...
So I've been receiving help from a medical...group...eh...of sorts... for young adults that is allowing me to have medication, a therapist, a psychiatrist...and it's real nice. Thing is, because of my, and ehe, my family's, money problems, I get everything for "free". All I really have to do at the moment is be willing to do what I have to do to get better, and I've been doing just that. Because of this, I seem to be (yet another) "perfect" candidate the state would be willing to spend more money on. And what is it my therapist proposed this time...? Having me move out and into my own place or share an apartment with a roommate.
Do I want to get the hell out of dodge?
Do ya even need to friggin' ASK?!
But you think I don't know how much "debt" I'm going to be in after all is good and well in the (hopefully near) future?
I will have to pay off my "bills", but not anytime soon. That'll be when I'm completely stable, mentally and financially, thank goodness. And if I get away from home, not only will the strings to my parents be cut, but I know for sure I'll be able to think more clearly. I can already take care of a place, and if I need assistance, I'm to tell my therapist. They've done this sort of thing for other young adults, so...Thing is, I'm just a little...wary. All of this will help me, greatly...but...all of that money I'll have to pay back...
I spoke to my mother about what "loans" she had to pay when she was younger, and she said she paid off her college loans the moment she had a job. She eventually did, and though she doesn't remember how much it was, does remember that it was, to be expected, up there in the thousands. So maybe my situation isn't that much different from typical "college loans", except that I'll just have to pay a different type of loan.
...Right??
Tell me I've got nothing to worry about, please. Oh, no, give it to me straight! Should I go with it, get my peace of fuckin' mind, for crying out loud, and worry about everything else when there's nothing personal to worry about?? This will help me greatly...so greatly...I can and have only imagined having my own space, controlling my own time and what want to do...I wouldn't have to cover, can start wearing the clothes I want to wear...can even (and was recommended) to spend an entire year just getting to know myself! It's...it's...it's a dream I can't imagine coming true...
I want to take this offer, oh, God knows I want to...but it's what I'll owe that bothers me...
...I guess I just want a few more...y'know...experienced thoughts about it...? Especially since you guys know exactly what I'm going through, at least personally, like why I need to leave home...There's no way in hell I'd be able to be me if I stay at home...And being away from home means I could go to Gateway after all, thus not feel guilty about not taking up these generous offers...